LMAO-has it really been since 2008 that I blogged? I guess so, but hey-its not like I had followers that were craving my words of wisdom-or at least I think that is the case-right???
Well, I am looking for a place to collect my thoughts-to babble on to myself on "paper" instead of in my head!! I think it is going to explode if I don't get some of them out-so here it goes again. If I can get them out maybe I can become a little less idle at home. Although the bed may miss me, I hate cleaning and this will give me somewhere to talk about the things that are going on.
So, currently I am researching the subject of Poyamory-Polgyny-Polyandry-etc,etc... Why you may ask am I researching this subject? More for my own curiosity than anything. I used to think that a person could only love or better be "in" love with one person at a time, this was when I was young a would let myself think this. Now I do believe that it was a coping mechanism that helps the human being move on. Just think if we continued to love a person how hard would that be. Could we go on and believe that what we thought was love was nothing more than a virus caused by lust? We could...but is that the truth?
I have had many loves-I had my first love(whom I am now married to after 20-something years), I have my "high-school" sweetheart, my first husband, my married friend, and my current boyfriend. OK so that makes what-5, is it possible that all 5 times I was wrong?
I guess the question is how many of these 5 am I still in Love with? The answer is 4-the ex-husband killed any feeling that I had for him many years ago! So technically I am currently in love with 4 people-is it fair? Not really... Do I actively reach out to all of them-yes. Do I still wonder what I am thinking...all the time!
I mean-first-I love my husband-I adore him, we have a great marriage-except-there is always an except with me and men. Hence the wondering about Polyamory! So, have dabbled in Swinging-Blah!!! Have gotten the ok to have a boyfriend-ok-this is working out-well maybe.
So second problem-3 of the 4 are married and as such cannot be mine-not totally that is. I will take what I can, usually friendship and flirting. I can handle that, well maybe not. I dont want to ruin any marriages, I do not want to be the "other" women that broke up a perfectly fine family. However, one of the 4 has permission to have a girlfriend, but...how open is she really?? In my perfect world, what if the social aspect of having one and only one partner were unnatural? I want to be able to love, be loved and not be hindered by old-fashion norms- I want to be able to show my love-no not sex-love. I am a strange creature really-love is a strong emotion that until recently I thought we could manage-hence the forgetting-but that is not true-I have no control-4 of the 4 mentioned above-I am actively "in love" with-meaning my heart beats faster, I smile, I get all nervous and silly, and I want to hug, kiss, etc them all the time when around them. This doesnt take away from my husband, cause he is one of those that makes my heart skip-but he gets me(what a prize). He gets me all the time, my good and my bad. In essence he is doing all the work, but sharing the rewards. Then again, is love different with him depending on the closeness? Anoher good question.
So, I am delving into this subject-cause people are weird, we create so many things-laws etc that make no sense and go against the teachings of religion. Religion itself is against itself-well that is another topic. As I wonder and search for answers all I can do it think what a perfect life for me would be.....
hmmm next post-Amy's perfect 4 man marriage!!
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